A Sure Way to Destroy a Family
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it
Ephesians 5:21-25
What are the qualifications for being the head of the household? What makes you the man of the house? Is it because you are a male? The man that must assert that he is the man of the house, isn’t. You read correctly. He is not the man of the house if he must resort to strong-arming the family with those words. He, instead, is a tyrant. The authentic man of the house never has to use those words. Those words should never be uttered.
The man of the house is ultimately accountable, culpable, and responsible for the household – the “buck” stops with him. If there is discord, it is he that is answerable. If his wife has a problem with submission and if his children do not obey, it is him that we look to for why this is the case. Quite simply, this is what being the man of the house means. Everything points to him.
Woven through this passage in Ephesians is the real qualification for being head of the household –
- “…and he is the saviour of the body.” Christ, unselfishly, sacrificed His life for the church. He was scourged, beaten, made to drag His cross up Golgotha’s hill where He was nailed to it and hung there to die for 6 hours.
- “Husbands, love your wives…” Real love is selfless. A husband loves his wife by putting her first in everything, attending to her needs before any thought of his own desires.
- “…even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” The husband is commanded to love his wife the way Christ loved the church – He gave Himself for it! He paid an awful price to be head of the body (Colossians 1:18) so, the husband too, is called upon to love his wife by giving himself for her.
This should give any husband pause, if it doesn’t strike fear in his heart, when he begins to think about asserting his “man of the house” authority over his family. Until he learns how to put his wife first, until he learns how not to provoke his children to anger, he is just another petty tyrant, throwing tantrums to get his way.
People resent authority that is claimed but not earned. A boss that doesn’t chip in to help, who never gives his team credit, who barks orders throughout the workplace, or must say, “…because I am the boss”, has not earned the respect or submission of his team. That workplace will never run efficiently until either the boss learns to lead, or they hire a boss that can.
The household is the family sanctuary, the place where everyone should be able to go after work and school to be themselves, rest, recharge, and enjoy each other – to grow with each other in love and appreciation. If this doesn’t describe your home, then it is you, the husband, that is not fulfilling his responsibility to the household and, until you step up, every “I am the head of the house” kind of demand you make will be met with resistance and resentment. The household will be a place of tension, fear, and anger because that is what tyrant leadership produces.
You, the husband, are answerable to God for the way you treat the members of your family. Far from giving you carte blanche authority, the passage that commands that wives submit themselves to their husbands gives you stewardship of the household. You do not own it! It belongs to Christ and He demands that you love it and put it first before any of your own wants or desires are met. If you begin to look at your family this way and are diligent in learning what leadership from love looks like, you will have created a household of love and harmony. Your wife and children want to follow you, but you must earn it. It is not yours simply because you are male.
Sketches on the way 